Well, as it happens, I turned 25 this past Wednesday. Exciting, I know. I was thinking about writing some resolutions because I never really got to it when New Years was here, but instead I want to write a little about people who have really influenced my life, the way I think, the person who I am, and finally, the person who I want to be. Here we go:
- My Husband, Nathan Kent McArthur. I start with him because I really think that he has caused the greatest changes in me, and definately is inspiring me to be the person who I want to be. He has taught me to be happy with my accomplishments because I accomplished them. Not because it means anything to anyone else, but that it is for me. He has shown me that life is work. Period. Not that you can't enjoy work, because sometimes you do. But, if you think that there is an "easy" way to get what you want, that you probably will never get the full satisfaction that you are looking for. Finally, he loves me for who I am, but even more for who I am capable of being. And by him seeing me this way I am able to challenge myself to become a better person. A person who I want to be.
- My Children. Bailey, Brinlee, and the one on the way. These girls (and whatever is on the way) love me. It means so much to be awake in the morning and hear "mommy" come from the other room. Also, they are the most forgiving little angels. I daily fail them by having no patience, overreacting, or just being boring, and they love me reguardless. It is something that I hope I can learn from them.
- The Family in Michigan. As I look at my family in Michigan I see those who I feel close to that probably would be surprised to know how I feel. And some probably feel close to me and I have no idea. Families are an interesting thing, but I know that we are in our families with a purpose. I have my father and mother for a reason, and every one of my brothers and sisters were meant to be just that. So, whether or not I can pinpoint things that have changed my life does not matter. I am who I am because of them. Whether I agree or diagree with them, they partially drive me to make decisions. I see what they do, and decided whether or not I want that. I have 13 examples of life to watch and learn from, and I love them for sharing that with me.
- Dale Fegel. This man was in my life at the right moments. He was in the stake presidency (a religious calling) when I was a teenager. There were two moments in my life that I would like to share. Both being at girls camp. When I was around 16 we had been on a canoe trip, and were waiting for something on the side of the river. He sat down beside me and asked me if I was going to get married in the temple. I said yes. And then he asked "Do you really mean it? A lot of people say that they are going to get married in the temple, but they don't. So, are you really getting married in the temple?" Now, this might seem small, but it meant so much to me. He really cared whether or not I made that choice, or at least I felt he did, and I did not want to let him down. No one else had ever asked me personally. I had been taught it for as long as I remembered, but when I felt like it really mattered to someone, it mattered to me too. I know now how important that decision was, and I am so glad that he took the time to let me know it was important. The second thing was a year later, at girls camp again. I was really struggling with things in my life that I knew were wrong. I stood up at a testimony meeting and basically said that I know the reason that I was unhappy was not because anything around me had changed, but that I had changed. I was pretty emotional, and when I went to sit down I was a mess, so I was going to leave. As I was walking away he gave me a hug and said "It's tough isn't it. Growing up." And that was all. Again, he cared about me. Just me. Not giving me advice, not fixing anything, but just that he cared. I still talk to him on occasion through e-mail, and he probably thinks that I am just someone with a lot of time on her hands to stay in touch with someone I saw maybe twice a year. I just want to stay in touch because he has helped me become what I am today, and I am so grateful for that.
- Karl Schwartz. He would laugh to know that he is on my list. He was a teacher and coach of mine throughout high school. He made me cry in front of an entire class once by humiliation basically. I had come to class late, something that he did not tolerate. So he pulled me up in front of the class and proceeded to flip through my binder. A binder that was supposed to be full of notes, and assignments I guess, and mine was completely empty. After a few minutes of "playing tough" I started to cry. I turned completely red...anyone that knows me knows what that means...and teared up. Anyways, I learned that I was accountable for my actions. And that people expect things from me. One of the hardest things for me to hear in high school sports came from him. I was a senior, and he coached me in discus, and I think I might have been at a meet trying to qualify for regionals. I had already surprised myself by getting so far, and was not too let down when I didn't make it. It was a different layout that I was used to, and I kept throwing out or faulting. Anyways, after the meet when I was talking to Mr. Schwartz he said that he really thought that I was going to make it. I know that he expected me to perform at my best, and I didn't. So, what have I learned? Work hard, because even if you might surprise yourself, there are others who believe in you. I still talk to Mr. Schwartz, and he is teaching a couple of my younger siblings, and I am glad that I know he will not let them slide without them knowing he knows better.
- My Grandpa McClellen. I hesitate to single out specific relatives, because I don't want anyone to feel left out, but I just love my grandpa! When you sit down to talk to him, he is there for you. He always tells you that you deserve to be happy, and works hard. I don't know that he has made me a different person so far in my life. However, he definately is an example of someone that I want to be to my children and grandchildren in the future.
Well, there are the ones that stick out first in my mind. I know that throughout the rest of the day I will think of others. My neighbors, my sister-in-law, so many friends, church leaders, etc. All I can say is "Thank You" for helping me to be the person I want to be, and making me feel like it is possible to become even more.
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I can hardly believe that I am down to counting days! This is me, 37 weeks pregnant, on a good day. Good days consist of ones that I shower, put on some makeup, and wear something other than a large t-shirt on top and pants with some sort of elastic waistband on bottom. I just want to take a moment to write down some thoughts that I have had throughout this experience. Day-to-day random thoughts that in any other situation I would never have enter my mind, but in this world of pregnancy are completely legitimate!
